Professor Gregory House, M.D.

December 20, 2010

I’m in the middle of a flair, I think. Comes and goes. Last night and this morning were rough.

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I had a dream. In my dream Dr. House was my professor. I do not think that I was in class, exactly, but I was certainly under the supervision of a T.A. at the time. This T.A. was on a power trip, I suppose, and told me I was not allowed to go to the bathroom (when does this happen in real life? Not often.). So, I ran to Dr. House and told him how his T.A. was being horribly insensitive towards my condition, and to get him to behave properly. Dr. House seemed somewhat sardonically amused by the situation and told off the T.A., at which point I went off to the bathroom, where they had curtains instead of stall doors. Then something like the apocalypse occurred, we all started running out of the bathrooms, and I woke up.

My subconscious really likes to tell people off. I would be righteously indignant a lot more often in real life if I could think of something cleverly demeaning to say on the spot to make the person understand how much worse of a human being they are than I, but realistically I usually only think of what I would have said an hour or so later.

Post Secret

September 18, 2010

Featured this week on Post Secret:

Every time I Poop, I make a wish!

Honestly, who has time to wait around for a shooting star?

This Was NOT Me

May 20, 2010

…but it could have been, if I’d been to Grand Central recently. Today, on Overheard in New York (as a disclaimer, this particular bit of poop humor is not kid-friendly):

…Just Like It Says on My T-shirt.

Drunk girl #1, shouting into bathroom: What you still doing in here?
Drunk girl #2: I’m shittin!
Drunk girl #1: Ew! What you doin that for? I wait til I get home and shit in my own bathroom.
Drunk girl #2: Girl, fuck that! If I gotta shit, I’ma shit!

–Grand Central

Way back when, I told a story about my friend who wouldn’t poop at a party, and had to wait until he got home. I pooped at the party.

…Just Like It Says on My T-shirt.

Drunk girl #1, shouting into bathroom: What you still doing in here?
Drunk girl #2: I’m shittin!
Drunk girl #1: Ew! What you doin that for? I wait til I get home and shit in my own bathroom.
Drunk girl #2: Girl, fuck that! If I gotta shit, I’ma shit!

–Grand Central

…Just Like It Says on My T-shirt.

Drunk girl #1, shouting into bathroom: What you still doing in here?
Drunk girl #2: I’m shittin!
Drunk girl #1: Ew! What you doin that for? I wait til I get home and shit in my own bathroom.
Drunk girl #2: Girl, fuck that! If I gotta shit, I’ma shit!

–Grand Central