Page Turn

January 31, 2012

Once again, I’ve managed to stop blogging entirely for months at a stretch (I’ve been on Twitter, but haven’t felt equal to a full length blog post). While I’m glad to report a vast improvement as of today, last semester was probably the most stressful of my life (to put that in perspective, the previous semester saw an evacuation from Egypt and a very painful two months of seminars to “replace” the priceless abroad experience we were supposed to be having). I did the bare minimum to keep afloat in class and at work, and spent the rest of my time sleeping or watching videos on Netflix, because that was all I could manage. I kept trying to push myself to get back up on my feet, but finally realized that I was only wearing myself out. I decided to pick one and only one thing to do every day. Often, that one thing was to take a walk. During the week it was to go to class. One day, I decided to go to the library. I got out of bed and put my clothes on, but before I got my shoes on I began to feel lightheaded and had to get back in bed. So that day my one thing became “get dressed”. That was the low point. In mid-December I made the very difficult decision to quit my Thesis, which cost me the “honors” part of my degree. That same week I begged a professor for some sort of extension on a research paper that was long overdue, and she gave me all the time I need. I could not have been more grateful for how supportive people were of me, when I felt I was letting them all down.

On November 11th I started Remicade. I had to get a bunch of blood tests and immunizations before I could start, but I finally got it. It helped a little, more with each dose, but it was by no means the miracle everybody said it should be. I had almost no energy, still, was getting very frequent headaches, and by December my appetite was gone (and when I did try to eat, I would get nauseous and stop). I was finally weighed in late December at a doctor’s appointment, and it turned out I had lost 8 pounds since September without realizing it. That day my nurse decided to double my Remicade dose, along with prescribing Omeprazole for the nausea and increasing my Lomotil. She brought up a dietitian to go through my diet with me and figure out how to get the most out of each meal (if I could only convince myself to eat once each day, I might as well get the most out of that one meal), and what to eat that wouldn’t make me feel so awful. Finally, things started to get better.

By New Year’s Day, I noticed that I had turned a page. I was running to the bathroom far less frequently, I could eat a little more, and my energy levels were higher. The headaches were going away. When I came back home after the holidays (a very needed 3 week vacation at my parents’ house) I felt well rested and ready to start getting back to my life. I didn’t dread the idea of going to work, for the first time in months. I can do more than one thing every day.

I’m only two weeks into my final semester at NYU, but already it’s going so much better than the last one. I am part time, only taking the minimum credits required to graduate, and I haven’t taken up any more hours at work. This means I am only in class three days a week and working two; they seem fond of putting me on for Sunday and Monday night shifts, so my week starts Sunday afternoon and lasts through Wednesday, leaving Thursday through Saturday entirely for me. I’ve been spending the time working on my resume and cover letter, and working on my (mercifully extended) research paper. I’m back to sewing again (my very kind sister has waited almost six months for me to get to work on her trench coat). I’m still sleeping and watching Netflix a good deal, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday, and two weeks after that is my next infusion. I hope that will help even more.

My best to all of you.